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After the New Year a friend of mine declared Kyle Palmieri Olympics Jersey , ?This year I'm really going to try to save more money!?


The problem is, he has been 'trying? for 3 years, but so far, his good intentions haven't materialized and his credit card debt keeps growing.


For life coaches like me, the word 'try? sets off alarm bells. If someone says he'll try, what he is really doing is leaving a back door open for an easy exit. It's common to most of us: when our resolve breaks Brandon Dubinsky Olympics Jersey , we have contingency plans, ready excuses that will let us off the hook.


How many times have you tried to get a better job, tried to learn a new language, or tried to lose weight and just not made it? In each case, what is it that kept you from actually achieving your aims?


A few weeks after making his resolution, my friend admitted Justin Abdelkader Olympics Jersey , ?I can't help it: there are too many great deals right now. I'm just not any good at holding onto money.? He was off the hook and back onto the merry-go-round of 'trying?. Though he may have tried to keep his credit card in his wallet, the truth is, he was never really committed to saving his money.


What was he committed to then?


First, he was more committed to spending money. But more importantly, he was fully committed to the idea that he wasn't capable of saving it. His unconscious notions about money were in the driver's seat, and all of his good intentions began to break apart like a trailer home in a hurricane.


Smoking out these hidden commitments is often the first action a coach will take. The client needs to be fully aware of what he is really committed to. Otherwise Matt Niskanen Olympics Jersey , even with the best intentions in the world, his underlying commitments will dictate his actions. In the coaching process, we want to uncover the deeper motivations that keep people from carrying through on their goals.


Self-awareness is critical here. Coaches can help pull back the curtain on some of these unhelpful motivations by taking the client through a reflective process. If you've 'tried? but failed to achieve something, try working through the following process.


First, write down five things in your life you set out to do, committed to and succeeded in doing. Now write down five things that you have been trying to succeed at for years but haven't managed to yet. Finally Jack Johnson Olympics Jersey , compare the two lists. Why do you think you succeeded in the first case but haven't in the second case?


By answering this last question honestly, you can expose some buried notions that are holding you back and keeping you from achieving your stated goals.


Once this is clear, a coach can help create a workable structure: a clear plan of action, goals that can be measured and a system of accountability.


After he'd reached a dead end 'trying?, my friend decided to work with a professional life coach. Together, he and his coach looked at what was holding him back from reducing his spending and then determined what he could commit to in order to stop it. He devised a budget and fixed a ceiling that he could feel comfortable with. He also detailed a debt reduction schedule that he and his coach could check on every week. He was happy to report to me that by the end of his first month Erik Johnson Olympics Jersey , he had stopped using his credit cards altogether and was well on the way to cancelling out his debt. With his coach cheering him on and keeping him to his commitments, he wasn't 'trying? anymore - he was taking action to get results.


The next time you decide to 'try? to achieve something, think about what your real commitments are. And if you're struggling to make progress, work with a personal coach to help you stay the course.

Like it or not, we are all gladiators. We go to sleep and wake up in a social arena from which there is no escape. Challenge upon challenge confronts us, walls restrain us Dustin Byfuglien Olympics Jersey , and a mob of spectators mocks, sneers, or cheers us. Each and every day brings new battles whether we want them or not and whether we're up to them or not. Life forces us to face one skirmish after another - no choice in the matter.

What we can choose, though, is which kind of gladiator to be, victor or victim.

Being a victim in this social arena translates into having bad relationships.

Most people are victims - victims of their own perceptions.

That's because people don't develop and listen to their own unique Cory Schneider Olympics Jersey , authentic self. Rather they allow their mental spectators - those little tyrants rattling around in their heads - to tell them second by second how to fight their battles, what they can and cannot do. These tyrants applaud and they hiss, they encourage and they discourage.

These mental spectators are the memories of the judgments of real-life people. For example, it's the memory of your aunt saying, "I hope you marry someone rich, because you're not going far on brains." It's the echo of your father growling Ben Bishop Olympics Jersey , "You've got a back problem - no spine."

And their influence over your relationships can't be overestimated.

Millions of people accept the judgments of their mental spectators as the truth and, therefore, the mediocre results that come from believing those judgments.

With so many people living this way, the question becomes, is this the way I have to live? Fortunately, the answer is not unless you want to.

Once you identify your mental spectators - and your interactions with them - you can move beyond victim and assume the role of victor.

What it takes are eight steps for getting command Blake Wheeler Olympics Jersey , eight steps you can apply to most any situation you want altered. You can positively influence your relationships, your employment options, any aspect of your life.

Let's look at the steps.

1. Define What Ails You.
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